I wanted to call this “the second installment of what the fuck is wrong with people.” Instead, I think it’s more about crazy shit happening all around us. Here are a few highlights that I don’t think you’ll want to miss.
First up, the city council of Pikeville, Tennessee has said if you are wearing saggy pants, you’re paying a fine. That’s right, pants on the ground, pants on the ground, looking like a fool with your pants on the ground, now means you’ll have to pay up to $50. Three other cities previously have ban saggy pants. Believe me, I don’t wanna see the cracks, but in a country of freedom, a dress code for a city just doesn’t seem right.
While folks in Pikeville are worrying about how low someones pants are, the Secret Service was concerned with a man who decided to strip naked outside the White House, while insisting he had an appointment with the president. I can hear that conversation now. “I have an appointment with President Obama. Nice weather we’re having. Don’t mind me. I’m just going to take off all my clothes while I’m waiting.”
From Washington DC, let’s go to the Washington that is near and dear to my heart. A man in West Seattle decided to go into a Subway and order a meal. While it was being prepared he went into the bathroom and stole a toilet tank. I suppose this is the point I should say something about needing a working toilet after a trip to Subway, but this man took those thoughts to a whole new level.
Imagine this…You’re a good person, right? Occasionally you have a little extra time on your hands? Perhaps you volunteer cleaning up a park to help make things just a little nicer? Volunteers at Centennial Park, just north of downtown Seattle, decided to do just that. While cleaning up the shore, they found a shoe. Inside the shoe? They found a fucking foot! Yes, a human foot was inside the shoe!
Sure, that’s some crazy shit, but the most surprising part of this story is this random foot brings the Seattle Waterfront appendage tally to 15 in the past 7 years! 15 random feet! Holy Hell! While it may not be common, it makes me think twice about a nice relaxing day at the beach with the kids.
Let’s stick with Washington for one more crazy story. A teacher in Vancouver, WA is being investigated because “Several third graders at Mill Plain Elementary said their third grade teachers require them to earn $50 of Monopoly money to buy toys, popcorn or pizza or use it to go to the bathroom.”
What happens when this type of responsibility is given to third graders? They spend their money on fun things and piss in their pants. I shit you not. Parents are outraged. This story hits really close to home, so I may have more on this later.
Speaking of teachers, a substitute teacher was fired for asking 4th graders for dating advice. How screwed up do you have to be to ask a bunch of 10 year olds what you should do in your dating life? Not only asking them, they were role playing scenarios (although the report says all scenarios acted out were G-rated). Seriously, I have a 9 year old – anyone who wants to trust the judgement of a kid this age is C-R-A-Z-Y! Seriously, some 3rd graders are pissing in their pants, and this chick is asking 4th graders for dating advice???
Did I tell you I see some crazy shit in the news, or what?!?
I have more!
Pick a state, any state…Let’s say Georgia! I’ve seen a bunch of crap from Georgia lately, but the winner of the state is that in Sandy Springs, Georgia you need your doctor’s permission to have a vibrator! Ding Ding Ding! That’s a winner! That’s right! You need a prescription to purchase a vibrator!
Local politicians have banned the sale of sex toys without a, “medical, scientific, educational, legislative or law enforcement,” purpose. WTF? Are the guys in this town so insecure they don’t want all the single ladies (or all of their own wives) to have vibrators? Outlawing sex toys is never the right answer.
Who needs a vibrator anyway? Not this dancer from Florida. After being arrested on suspicion of stolen property, she decided to “have a good time” in jail. While in her cell, she stripped naked and began masturbating…not once, but several times. No pole was needed – she had bars. In fact, her acts were too much for the judge to read aloud, saying, “I’m not reading that” and “File this under ‘That’s a doozy.”
Speaking of masturbating, an off duty cop in New Jersey decided Starbucks was a great place to pleasure himself. He actually pulled down his pants and started going at it right at the table in a local Starbucks. Seriously, who the hell would do something like this???
Finally, here’s a Crazy Norwegian Bastard for you. No post about crazy shit would be complete without someone eating part of a human body. This psycho SOB gets his hip replaced and convinces his doctor to send his hip bone home with him so he can use it for his art. On a whim, he decides to boil it up and figures he better taste the meat – the meat is his own flesh from his own hip! According to this weirdo, it tastes like wild sheep. This should be filed under “don’t try this at home.”
Have you read anything else that competes with this crazy shit? Come on, out crazy me here.