I was talking to my friend Missy the other day about douchebags. We all run across douchebags in our daily lives. Not the kind who are able to win douchebag of the week awards, mind you, but the ones we want to tell to get a fucking clue. Baby Douchebags. The ones we want to punch in the gut. The ones that just annoy us. Man, those people piss me off! So, instead of talking about the award winning douchebags, today we came up with a list of ordinary douchebags.
First and foremost, I may think you’re a douchebag…
If you are offended by the word douchebag
If you park like an asshole
If you ram people (especially me) in the back of the legs with shopping carts
If you interrupt me while I’m drinking my morning coffee
If you steal the parking spot I’ve been impatiently waiting for
If you constantly post your blog posts on facebook. Oh. Wait. That’s me. Damn.
I will probably think you’re a douchebag…
If you are fucking with your Ipod and run me off the road
If you constantly post obscure statuses on facebook
If you mention several times in the same conversation that you are gluten free, homeschool, have a blog, are a vegan, vegetarian or a SAHM. Chances are, I heard you the first or second time you mentioned it.
If you give my kids homework over Christmas/Winter break
Finally, I will totally think you’re a douchebag…
If you think your kids can “catch being gay”
If you criticize my parenting while letting your kid run around like fools
If you scream at a store employee because you can’t find something, and then claim that your entire Christmas is ruined because of it. You’re not only a douchebag, but also an idiot.
If you cut in front of me in the pick up line at school, just because you can fit in the teeny tiny spot with your teeny tiny car. Seriously, I want to slit your tires.
That was fun. Leave a comment or send me an email to let us know what ordinary douchebags did we leave out? You never know, it just might make the next list.
Do you know of someone that should win the Douchebag Of the Week Award? By all means, make the nomination!